The Stanley Cup is Dystopian AF
We are living in a world of hyper consumerism... yikes.
Do you remember back in 2019 when everybody was obsessed with the Hydroflask? People loved those water bottles, to the point it was like a sense of elitism to own one.
Well, it’s happening again. Except it’s worse this time.
Now people are infatuated with the covenant Stanley cup, a 40 oz tumbler that can cost you up to 50 dollars depending on the design. Do I think it’s silly to spend that much money on a cup when you can get one way cheaper by another brand? Yes, but that isn’t why we’re here today.
After all, this is a newsletter about horror, and sometimes that includes the horrors of the dreaded real world.
You may be asking yourself, “What’s so scary about a cup?” And honestly, that’s a valid question. Any sane person would be wondering why the hell I’m talking about a cup when I could be discussing Jason Voorhees.
Let’s just say that I think the Stanley cup is dystopian as fuck. At least from what we’ve seen these past few days.
For those of you unaware, the already viral Stanley cup went even more viral over it’s latest collaborations. A Valentine’s Day one with Target and a special edition one with Starbucks.
Honestly, there wasn’t anything too special about these cups. They were just Valentine’s Day colors that happened to be limited edition. A cute thing, you know? Something brands usually do. But then, where does this “dystopian” idea come from?
Oooh… oh, boy, you’re in for a treat.
So, on December 31st, there were people lining up at Target. They were camping out, waiting for their chance to run into the store to get their precious Stanley. It was like a scene out of an old school Black Friday video, except there were no good deals, and these people were camping out for an overpriced cup.
Some Target stores were more organized, using a number system to keep people from doing anything too crazy. Other Target locations weren’t as lucky, and the lines were seemingly out of control. People were skipping, people were getting in fights, people were doing anything and everything that sounded absolutely batshit crazy.
If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought they were in line for the latest ride at Walt Disney World. But they weren’t. They were in line for a cup.
But then… the doors opened. People ran in, screeching like demons in excitement over their pink Stanley overlord. Target employees recorded their insanity, acting as whistleblowers for what seemed like a mind control operation. After not even five minutes, every single cup from the collection were wiped out.
The thirsty fools took them all, leaving only dust for the rest of us.
And if that didn’t already make you concerned, then let’s look into the Starbucks collection.
Around the same time, Starbucks decided it was a good idea to release their own pink cup in collaboration with Stanley. As you can imagine, people were once again lining up to get their cup. Limited stock meant only a few people would actually be getting these things.
One of the most insane interactions? A man hopped over the counter at a Target Starbucks location, attacked the teenage worker, and attempted to steal the cup. I say attempted because other customers tackled him to the ground and got the cup back, though I’m not so sure if it was because he was a thief or because they just wanted the cup for themselves.
Are you starting to see why I think this shit is some dystopian horror film brought to life? It’s as if these are the last cups on earth or something. If they don’t get the cup, they’ll never be able to drink anything ever again and then they’ll die. Ohmygod, they’ll die if they don’t have that cup!
At least that’s how they act anyway.
It’s strikingly similar to the Black Friday scene in Thanksgiving (2023). People pounding on the store’s doors, screaming, hurting each other as they try to get the best spot so they can go inside first. Chaos, destruction, death. People are trampled, people are punched, people are killed for 90% off a microwave.
Once upon a time, Black Friday sales were actually like that. In recent years, nobody really cares anymore. Everything is online, and most sales only reach up to 50% off if you’re lucky. Yet, it’s the Stanley cup that makes a fuss.
Moreso, the dystopian undertones in these videos stem from the hyper consumerism that people are participating in. Obviously, I could liken the Stanley cup craze to films about consumerism, like They Live and American Psycho. I’ve already talked about those two pretty recently though, so I think a better option would be The Stuff (1985).
The Stuff is actually a perfect comparison. In The Stuff, people go crazy for a new sweet substance, so much so that it knocks ice cream off the map. Just like the Stanley cup knocking the Hydroflask off the map, yeah?
In the film, The Stuff is found out to be a parasite, eating people from the inside and turning them into zombie-like beings. Obviously, the Stanley cup isn’t a parasite, but I think it’s important for us to take a step back and remember what The Stuff was trying to teach us.
The movie warns us about the dangers of overconsumption, even if it is through a pretty wild metaphor. If you let yourself fall into the consumer trap, then you’re letting yourself slowly die. You’ll be taken over by the large corporations, turning into their puppet and buying everything they put out.
Brand loyalty, if you will.
And, well… that’s what’s happening with the Stanley cup. People are “ride or die” for the thing, hurting others if only to have a new cup to add to their collection.
It’s not only the Stanley cup though. There’s always going to be a new “hot” thing that makes people go insane with materialism. One week it’s a cup, the next week it’s a dress. In a month from now, it might be a toaster, or an eyeshadow palette. Hell, it might even be a pen! It doesn’t matter what it is, because it’s going to make people go wild.
Things will go viral, people will get clout, and the giant company that made the product will get free marketing. And your money. Because, to most of these huge corporations, you’re just a dollar sign anyway.
They don’t care that you’re going insano mode for their product, they care that you’re making a viral video that will bring exposure to their brand.
Regardless, it feels like something straight out of a dystopian horror film about the dangers of consumerism. People should not be acting this way over cups, nor should there people reselling these cups for over $200. It’s strange, and in some instances, disturbing and dangerous.
Hey all, I hope you enjoyed this week’s newsletter. I decided to do something a little more humorous, though still in the same vein as what I usually do. Considering last week’s newsletter was a bit more serious, I figured it would be nice to have a laugh. Or a “wtf” moment too.
Anyway, let’s hope 2024 doesn’t continue the trend of trampling over one another for a cup.